Not completely.

Its depressing if I'm ever considered to be a phoney, especially by someone once so close and dear. At many a times I felt so.. maybe its misunderstanding on my part.

If I ever cheated or presented a false front, intentionally lied or pretended to be someone i could never be, such that one would have to reflect on her judgement of me as a person, then i must say i have failed, cause i never intended to.

I wonder why, of all pple that I " might never talk to again ", here is one whose perception of me means a lot to me.

I rather be considered as part of the memories, good or bad, but not remembered as a phoney.

No Man's Land

I was commenting to my friend i'm feeling very stupid in Engine.. for the past few times, i have to depend on my dearest Lab Partner to bail me out.. can't do my labs, dun noe wat-the-hell's happening... just cutting and copying and pasting my way thru.

Talk about NOC! all the talk bout striving hard and all, dun feel any better now in terms of my academic studies as i am supposed to be, only moment of pride came when my frens were borrowing my fluids tutorial for reference cos i was kinda the only one that managed to finish attempting it and kinda got the solutions to the questions... well the truth is, that was like the only tutorial i was in control of, and by being in control of, i mean i understood what was taught, understood was was needed in the tutorial, managed to do them and get the correct solutions. Well, for all the rest of the tutorials... average of 4 to 5 tutorials multiplied by 6 modules... i can't say the same.

Life in KR so far... its a nice big family, my block.. basically the year ones all the way to the final years mixes with one another, and everyone's comfortable popping by everyone's rooms just for a chat or a hi. Something that i din really experience in TH. (Tho i must still stress that TH's got my buddies as well) Been busy basically cos there's so much hall activities... and by such i dun even mean i participated in them.. just attending the culture nites, talentimes, IBG celebrations, "xin yao" performances... blk meetings, blk suppers, pple's birthdays.... takes up so much time.. plus IHG meetings and trainings. Of cos, my life has kinda of moved on... you know what i mean.

Its wierd, strange... (can't really describe it) to see, well at least fr yur blog that I'm no longer a feature in yur life... think that 6 months ago, i could never see it turning out this way. I'm not exactly sorry about it, nor glad, even if you might ask isn't it what i always used to say how it should be. Perhaps erasing me, or simply just seeing past me, or seeing me without the need to talk to me helped.Perhaps you ain't even reading my blog now... It's wierd because i've since developed a routine to click on yur blog everytime i log on, and its begining to feel like i'm reading someone else's life. I wonder if its true for you too.

To me, its like seeing this painting hung on the wall... everyday, for a year or so I walk past, I take a look at it. The shape, the form, the image of the painting's painted in the head.... then gradually I no longer have the luxury to look at it everyday.. but just walk by hurriedly and only glance at it from the corner of my eye...

Then one day i stopped and looked.

And realised that the painting's a little different now.

Perhaps, Change IS Beautiful.

Perhaps.

feeling of disappointment...

my week has been disappointing since sat... rain killed any hopes of a good saturday bball session... something that i've been looking forward to for a long time.

arsenal lost, courtesy of some unsporting tatics fr MAn u.

And couple of other things.

Tension of the looming exams is slowly eating me up too.

I MUST set things right.

And they say running is therapeutic...

i shall attempt so tonight.

Rainy days, in particularly today, seems so surreal.

"People grow once they start thinking bout things they never bothered to think about."

"WHAT-IT-SHOULD-HAVE-BEEN"s

Ever thought about things when they have passed and then always wonder if its possible to turn back time and go live that moment again? probly i will be able to make a right choice, if not... a better choice then.

Well i'm a constant sucker for it. Call it self-reflection... maybe that's a nice way of putting it.

Like O levels...how many of you have pondered if you had just studied harder..got better grades, life might be so diff now?

So's for A's.... better grades could mean a scholarship and a ticket out of the stressful NUS envirioment..start afresh elsewhere.

Or even a conversation...like something i should have or shouldn't have said. Or said in another way.

Or like exam results.. or even tests... when the disappointment comes at the end of the semester.

Come to think about it. Exams in 5 weeks... i better not do a "what-it-should-have-been" again.

Sleep

I need sleep.

Must learn not to waste time so i can get more time to sleep. haha.

my great ambitions...

Everytime it gets to the end of the year.. i tend to have crazy ideas about how i want to spend my holidays...

This year.. i want to go enjoy the COOL NICE weather of GENTING! Its getting real cheap now..(provided you book early) and it seems like a good idea to just go there and chill and zuo bo and play cards and eat Ramy Burgers... then maybe go KL to club, or take a coach to Hatyai to shop, or go visit some fruit farms etc... fruit buffet.

okie always dream about it only..for 2 holidays liao but never materialize..... when's everyone's papers ending?

mine's on the 26th Nov.

week 8...

Time flies.. it's in the middle of another semester now.

I realised that its easy to slack off your studies..so easy to be late or totally miss the lectures and tutorials... It takes effort to try to catch up.. and its seemingly impossible for me to turn in a 4.0 performance.

Judging by the way i'm performing for my MNO, Visual and CAD, and other graded stuff.. i dun think i anywhere near.

Darn.

On a lighter note.. i'm so excited by the buzz in other pple's lives... esp QQ. haha good luck and keep me updated man.

Been studying hard these days myself.. but somehow still feel that i'm quite not there yet.. like so not cut for Engine.. nor any courses offered in nus.

tispy turvy

I think my thoughts flow better when i'm slightly intoxicated...(tho my typing's works the other way...)

Anyway, today was the birthday celebration of Mingui, one of the year 2s in my block.. and we had a bbq cum drinking session at the rooftop.. and with the amt of alcohol available... its no wonder that most of us are slightly high at the end of it...

I must say it was a fun affair.... and in a way I've been looking to forward to the 18th of the next April, where i will want to throw my own party...but i guess its tough cos it will be right smack in the middle of exams... just like last year... and pple will tend to overlook it.

Anyway, if i want to invite.. here's gonna be the invite list..

Buddies-Pingbu,Ray,Kaibei,Dick,Will,YX, Ken

VVIP - Min, SF, QQ,Jim,Joo,aBel,Xiaoling, Johnny,Grassy,qiao,Jia,Daniel,Henry,JF,Coolin etc...

and of cos those lovely souls from my block..

(Well there's probly a lot more.. but i can't really recall at this instant... pardon me)

Anyway i just wanna say that the lousy indian opposite my room is damn irritating.. he's got indian kakhis over and they are playing indian music in their room which i can hear...

Thanks to my current playlist:
She will be loved.
This love.
The scientist
Finally found.

Hmm incoherent thots.. but i do miss engin camp now.. where all was fun and i have the company of some of the nicest pple around.

I miss my 19th Birthday...cos it was so sweet... well someone bothered to celebrate that for me. And at that pt.. that someone was the one that mattered the closest to me... so naturally it was memorable.

Thanks PF for my 21st b'day.. i appreciate the choc fudge brownie.

hmm more incoherent thots..

I think my knee is recovering well.. should be able to revert back to the cheerful active self i used to be liao...can start playing bball and go jogging soon i hope.

Lastly i wanna do well in my schoolwork..(you have no idea how much i want to do well this sem)
and i wish my all my friends well.

(=

I have simple weekends...

Saturday

Between sleeping and trying to study at a real slow pace, i slack in hall till the evening before i head for home when its not that hot.

I want to catch Tu Long Ji at 7pm at home tmr. Followed by english premier league and then more idling in front of the tv...its really relaxing to just be carried along by whatever's interesting on tv and not be bothered by anything else.

Wake up real late on Sunday, usually bout 12, have late lunch.. and then slack somemore.. read the sunday times... got grocery shopping at ntuc.. nap.. or go on lazy sunday outings like coffee or mee chiam kuehs... or even durians.. dinner with family.. (and pregnant sis and hubby) then come back hall energised to face the challenges of the new week.

that's my weekends.

One more good friend flying away...

One of my best buddies.. who was supposed to be my neighbour this semester too, has left for Japan for a one year exchange... its dumb how i move to KR to be with my 2 best buddies but one of them got a prestigious SEP scholarship to Japan, and the other moved out due to financial difficulties.

That's life. I wish you well man.

I'm pretty used to this kind of thing now.... that those pple who are close to me keep going away to persue their own dreams.Even in SG, pple seldom meet up with one another anymore.

i'm thankful that there's so many of them in the same course as me.. those precious friends I've made during the last holidays. There's also alot of them that i dun get to see often, but the CE and the EE pple i will at least bump into them whenever i walk past LT 6 area... that leaves the Chemical pple, and Bio pple. Well thankfully, at least we are all from ENGINE.. if we are from diff faculties... i guess the chances to meet up will be very slim then.

Over the years, i've learnt that its easy to make new friends.. but its really tough to keep them

Life now...

It feels great to be finally playing basketball after 6/7 weeks... but i must be careful not to aggrevate my injury.



Things to do this Sat....

Got to do my 3 hour online asign.
Got to finish mugging for the 3 hour online asign.

Interhall basketball trials on sat?
Meeting for my MNO project.